Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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