Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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