every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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