Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
