I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
