Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
