he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
