It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
