she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
