Do you still have your period?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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