I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
