his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
