On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
