Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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