So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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