I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
