I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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