We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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