The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
