We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
