New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
