Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
