Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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