Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
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