I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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