lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
