she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
