oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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