he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
