Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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