My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You pole danced in your parka.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
