ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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