Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
