Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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