It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
