I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
