I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He felt like a one man threesome
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
