Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
