I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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