Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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