That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
