I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
