I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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