i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
