im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
