I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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