does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
