you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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