2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
