We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
