I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
