dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize