Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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