I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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